after the rain

So, I’m only writing this because it’s probably time for another update. I’m not sure what I’ll talk about since most of the time I just make things up as I go along, but I read someone else’s blog post and I suppose it’s time for me to also do an update, even though it’s been barely a month since my last one.

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anywhere, just not here

Home is where the dark thoughts are.

It’s quieter here. I know this place, I grew up in this place — well, mostly. I have so many memories here that it’s hard to escape the haunting times when you lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and listening to the cars drive by because you can’t sleep.

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drinking coffee

Even I’m annoyed by my case of social anxiety.

It’s not all my fault, though. Yeah, sure, pushing the blame on someone else sounds like the worst thing to do, but it’s the only logical thing I can think of.

I’m not the most courageous person I know. I can only have enough guts to do anything when I’m with a friend or someone I know. I don’t like doing anything alone unless it’s something that can be done on your own (aka writing on the computer). I loathe human interaction. I would rather you kill me than have me walk up or call a stranger to do normal adult stuff.

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keep what you love

It’s nearly a year since I’ve started this blog and I’ve only managed to put five entries in. Kind of tells you how boring my life is, really. I don’t have much to talk about because nothing I say is really note-worthy.

That, or I’m just really happy all the time and there’s nothing I need to say in excess – unless it’s something I’m really passionate about. Unfortunately, most of the things I’m passionate about are the things I feel negative towards.

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eat, sleep and breathe that you’re full of the stuff

I never understand the reason why people find it necessary to do the exact opposite of what you want them, or kindly requested them, to do.

I came out on Facebook, and yes, I know it’s probably not the best choice since you would want to explain any confusions they might have face-to-face and you can’t do that over text, it’s the only way I can find that helps me. Continue reading “eat, sleep and breathe that you’re full of the stuff”

it’s a wide ocean and a tight emotion

I suppose this is a place as any to start mentioning how I feel recently about my gender identity and how others are coping.

No, I’m not completely out yet, so I don’t suppose others would suddenly start referring me as Jordan and be fine with it, no questions asked. But I have been dropping enough hints for people — those who have a shred of respect left in the humanity tattered body of theirs — to start referring me as male.

Unfortunately, there aren’t actually that many people. And even within the people who are willing to, they don’t seem to actively do it.

Continue reading “it’s a wide ocean and a tight emotion”