So, I’m only writing this because it’s probably time for another update. I’m not sure what I’ll talk about since most of the time I just make things up as I go along, but I read someone else’s blog post and I suppose it’s time for me to also do an update, even though it’s been barely a month since my last one.
Home is where the dark thoughts are.
It’s quieter here. I know this place, I grew up in this place — well, mostly. I have so many memories here that it’s hard to escape the haunting times when you lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and listening to the cars drive by because you can’t sleep.
Remember when I said I was over it?
But then I also said I missed her.
I’m just all sorts of contradictions right now.
In the dead of night, when there is nothing else around me other than darkness and the quiet rumbling of the air conditioner above me, thoughts I try to push to the back of my mind during the day crawl out to haunt me as I lay on my bed.
Recently, I’ve been feeling rather depressed.
I’m not going to go ahead and self-diagnose myself, but that is the only thing I could think of that fits my symptoms. When I list them out, as well, other people seem to come to the conclusion that it might be depression.
For once, the lyrics I’m listening to actually match what I’m trying to write.
I don’t know if I talked about her before, though I’m at least 67% sure that I have. She’s part of my life and has been multiple turning points.
Even I’m annoyed by my case of social anxiety.
It’s not all my fault, though. Yeah, sure, pushing the blame on someone else sounds like the worst thing to do, but it’s the only logical thing I can think of.
I’m not the most courageous person I know. I can only have enough guts to do anything when I’m with a friend or someone I know. I don’t like doing anything alone unless it’s something that can be done on your own (aka writing on the computer). I loathe human interaction. I would rather you kill me than have me walk up or call a stranger to do normal adult stuff.
The title is a little misleading, though. I’m not homosexual. The rainbow does not apply to me despite it being one of the most prominent signs relating to the LGBT+ community.
It’s been a very, very long time since I last wrote a blog entry — there’s no excuse, I’ve just not been doing it for some reason.
There’s little reason for me to share my life here, public on the Internet like this, but here I am. Maybe I’d keep more personal things out of these posts and put them in my physical diary. Continue reading “i’m sure there’s nothing pure here”
I never understand the reason why people find it necessary to do the exact opposite of what you want them, or kindly requested them, to do.
I came out on Facebook, and yes, I know it’s probably not the best choice since you would want to explain any confusions they might have face-to-face and you can’t do that over text, it’s the only way I can find that helps me. Continue reading “eat, sleep and breathe that you’re full of the stuff”